Balancing A Personal Life In Pharmacy School: It's All In The Routine
Hi, I am Sandy, a single mom in pharmacy school with two elementary-school-aged children, who lives in a one-bedroom apartment with the closest family/ best friend support system 2,000 miles away. During my pharmacy school years, my kid and I had appendicitis, we had a suicidal scare, we were in a car accident, and there was a point we were “homeless” for 2 days. You could say I know a little bit about stress, but with releasing the notions of perfections, establishing our apartment as a place of relaxation, and establishing healthy habits and routines, my family and I were able to keep a healthy-minded lifestyle with everything thrown our way.
Like my pharmacy school classmates, I strive for excellence. As a student, we want to be the best academically and be noticed for our community and campus involvement. Like other parents at my kids’ school, I want a clean house; I want to be an involved parent in their kids’ extracurricular activities and want to raise my kids to be outstanding citizens. I needed a healthy-minded lifestyle and these ideals were not healthy for my family or me. I had to discard them and have expectations that are more realistic. Not everyone is perfect with a perfect house or lifestyle, and its okay that I don’t have that perfect house or lifestyle. If I did not excel perfectly on an exam, it is okay. I’m motivated to understand the material by having discussions with my classmates and professors. I remind myself it’s okay to have a messy apartment, my children are happy as themselves relaxing in their home. Throwing away these ideal student mom lifestyle expectations has made my kids and I happier, motivating and appreciating each other more because we’re more present in each other lives.
While I threw the perfect lifestyle idea out the door, I knew my kids and I needed habits and routines to have a healthy-minded lifestyle. Below is an idea of our typical family routine (* = pre-COVID-19 pandemic activities, + = activities added during the stay-at-home emergency orders).
Seasonally as a family:
o Visiting family (*)
o Baking for the holidays (*)
o Watching a movie in theater (*)
o Attending at least one sporting event (*)
o Hiking an easy trail or taking a trip to a nearby sight/ attraction (i.e. Bryce Canyon National Park)
Monthly:
o As a family: At least 2 meetings with our psychiatrists and counselors, swimming the whole day (*), and possibly attending a free festival/ event (*)
o For mom: Hiking mountain trails with colleagues (*)/ relaxing with tea at a café (*), not taking more than one intern shift, brewing experimental kombucha flavors (+)
o For the kids: Ice cream (*)/ window shopping (*)/ birthday parties (*)/ video play dates (+)
Weekly:
o As a family: each member completing their share of at least one household chore (be it laundry, dishes, making the bed, etc.), family night involving movies/ board games, swimming for 2 hours (+)
o For mom: taking a 1-2-hour nap, cooking at least 2-3 easy meals (fried rice, wonton soup, spaghetti, etc.), conversations with a best friend
o For the kids: playing at the park or playground or splash pad(*)/ rock climbing at the gym(*)/ bike riding/ play dates(*)/ expressing creativity through art or music or acting(+), 2-3 karate lessons, being able to stay up late on Saturdays, talking with the grandparents
Daily:
o As a family: wake up at 6:30-7:30am, listen to music, conversations in the car and before bedtime, hugs and kisses, affirmations of love (even if there are days the kids say they hate me), dressing up even though we’re going nowhere (+)
o For mom: affirmations that I am doing the best I can as a student mom, bedtime always at 11pm
o For kids: playing with school mates at daycare (*), completing homework at the café with me or at after-school daycare (*), accessing the internet to watch videos or play games on their school Chromebook or TV for more than 2 hours (+), bedtime at 8pm
With (*) and (+) next to some habits and activities, you can see our routine changed a lot since the existence of COVID-19. We’re home together a lot more than usual and a lot of events/ places where we have new experiences or enjoy the fresh air have been cancelled or closed temporarily. This is our new “normal”, we are now restricted by who we’re with, where we go, and what we do. But in bold, you’ll notice some habits and routines have stayed. We still had sessions with our counselor and psychiatrist, we kept our sleeping schedule, and maintained communication with each other and our loved ones. Even though it was difficult and challenging to be in school remotely for the three of us, having kept these habits/ routines guided us from getting at each other’s throat. This is not a perfect formula for every family or student parent. You might not be able to keep a consistent sleeping schedule. You might feel guilty for napping while your kids are awake. You might do better if you exercise daily. You might feel better if you house is cleaned and organized. You might feel better as a parent if you limit your children’s screen time, and you might feel better personally with a spa day or tee practice for your next golf game. Everyone’s habits and routines are different. Remember to set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. And find something you and your family enjoy that makes you happy, rested, less anxious, and healthier. My routine is for my family and it works for us. This is our healthy-minded lifestyle.
For more tips, follow Sandy on Instagram at @pharmdsunnycooks